November 7th, 2007
|holler12||11:01 pm - Application|
Eating Disorder: ED-NOS
GW: Can be more than one, but must include your ultimate goal weight.
1st goal:106(my old average weight)
Well when I was younger, the only thing I remember about a certain male in my life is him calling me fat. This occured through my whole childhood. I forgive this man more for molesting me as a child than for him making these hurtful comments. I started watching what I ate at around the age of 8. When I started highschool, I started to take it to the more extreme. I started purging everyday during sophomore year, but my weight reached one of its highest points. Then in Junior year I started to restrict and fast occasionally and got down to one of my lower weights. I became obsessed with food, that and my weight were the only thing I thought about. I pretty much had a mental breakdown towards the end of the school year. I had to quit track and I would just stay in a lot by myself. My mental state put a huge strain on my relationship with my boyfriend. Then towards the end of summer, we broke up for a little bit. I became addicted to oxycontin next. I wouldn't eat anything and I didn't care about anything, including my weight. My mind was like a blank slate. Nothing mattered. So I dated two drug addicts and used them/. Then the day after I graduated, I got sent to rehab (drug rehab) by my parents. I gained 12 pounds in there. Then I lived down the shore with my friends all summer and I gained another 8 pounds. So now here I am 20 pounds heavier and disgusted with myself. Now that I am basically clean, all of my old habits have come back. At college I don't have anyone watching me either so I am trying to get back down.
ED future: I want people to look at me and be scared for me. I think emaciation is beautiful. I need a sense of control in my life. I have absolute control over my weight so there is no excuses for me anymore, I don't want to live life being the glutton I am now. I plan on getting back to restricting heavily and using LJ to keep me motivated and active.
Non-ED life: Nothing regarding your ED goes here. This is where you get to tell us all about you, what you like to do, what you hate, what you do in your spare time. Do you go to school? I am a freshman at a top University in the U.S. I do well in school and I am thinking about majoring in Psychology and working at some type of Rehab center when I get older (drug rehab). I want a fulfilling life, I want to help someone. My roomate is my best friend, but we are nuts together. Oh and she wants to loose weight too so it's good we can help eachother. I need to stop drinking and making bad decisions. Other than that I am pretty boring.
Just for fun:
Favorite Band:Rob Zombie :P
Favorite Movie:Party Monster
Favorite Book:Not a big reader but.. Augusten Burroughs is a cool writer.
Bringing: What are you bringing to this community? What do you plan to offer us?
I plan to be extremely active. I check LJ constantly through the night and I hate it when there are no new updates. Other than that, weightloss support I guess?
Taking: What do you want to get out of the community? What would you request from us in order to make your journey easier?
Motivation. Lots of posts and pictures.